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Thursday, July 23, 2009

Spoiled Americans

You know how I know we're a spoiled country? Because we have so much excess water that before I cut my nails, I soak them to soften them. Pathetic, huh. I think if I knew that whatever water I didn't use was being sent overseas to save lives, I'd be less inclined to take such liberties. Can't someone figure out a way to calculate a fair amount of water the average American should consume per month (not just the "hippie/PETA/minimalist" minimum that we need to survive, but a "fair," only slightly spoiled amount) and any amount under that that we go, gets sent to save people from dying of thirst or disease from contaminated water? I mean, there's no specific penalty if you go over; you just have to live with the fact that you're an asshole. But make it easy to do, because as a result of being so spoiled, Americans are also lazy. Someone get to work on this.


  1. when are you going to stop doing puff pieces and start focusing on hard hitting issues like those annoying ass tabloid reading women at the supermarket and their holding up the line while they find out what cellulite ass belongs to what celebrity??? prioritize please!!!

  2. Man, if "Fuck Your Family" was a puff piece, then I must have set the bar way too high...