Hey, Kid!

Five things the kid-version of yourself would be surprised to hear:

1. You will not be famous...or a professional athlete.

2. You like to read.

3. You will stop counting the number of lips you kiss, titties you grope, and vaginas you penetrate...in that order.

4. Your parents are just as retarded as you...maybe even more so.

5. Being a grown-up actually means the opposite of being able to do whatever you want.

Now go forth and . . . exist . . .