Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The other day, I saw two women, one with a stroller (and a baby in it; not a dog, which, in LA, would not be out of the ordinary), bump into each other after not having seen one another for a while. The baby-less one asked, "What have you been up to?" And Mama Bear exclaimed, "I had a baby!" A) No shit. B) The pride with which she proclaimed this rubbed me the wrong way. I mean, I'll concede, the miracle of life is a pretty incredible thing: it's like, wait, let me get this straight, I stick my dick in there, it feels really good, and then we GROW a fucking human that looks like us?! Holy shit! That's amazing!
Now, having said that, is it really something that warrants pride? It's not like you really did anything to get it. Quite literally, all you had to do was lay there. Granted, labor is fucking brutal (though I'll never know for sure...thank God); I'll give you that. But were there really many options by that point anyway? You had a baby. Congrats. A man jizzed in your vagina. Wait 'til your kid grows up to not be a total retard fuck-up drain on society before you go patting yourself on the back, okay?
I'm a dick. I know.