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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Notes of A Dirty Old Man

It's funny how dating changes as you get older.  When you're young, and you go out with some 21-year-old, and she says something like, "I wanna be President!", you're like, "Good for you!"  If you're in your 30's and you go out with that girl, you're like, "Yeah, good luck with all of that.  Call me after Reality's had a chance to shit in your mouth."

The flip side of that is when you actually date a girl your own age, and they've already abandoned wide-eyed optimism for excessive comfort and jaded resignation, like a we-all-shit-so-it's-okay-to-talk-about-anything-way-too-soon-after-meeting-you attitude.  You say something like, "I just took an awesome trip to Thailand," and she replies with, "Oh, I was supposed to go there last year, but I had bronchitis and coughed so hard I got a hemorrhoid and had to have surgery on it."

Great.  Lovely.  Wonderful.  Where do we go from there?  How many dates away are we from you shitting with the door open, at that point?  There's a happy middle ground!  Find it.  I cling to my illusions (i.e. - the person I have sex with doesn't make poopy) like the mentally feeble cling to religion...and guns...and truck nuts.

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