Subscribe to The Curmudgeon!

Google Groups
Subscribe to The Curmudgeon
Visit this group

Friday, November 19, 2010

You Failed

I was on a first date recently, and not a particularly good one at that, but the girl was kinda beautiful so I figured I'd at least give it one more shot and follow up. I texted or called, don't remember which, but never heard back. I wasn't going to chase beyond that, but I was definitely curious what her assessment of me/the date was. This stuff fascinates me because everyone is so different!

So, because she was a friend of a friend's friend, I asked my friend to ask his friend to ask her why she didn't want to go on a second date, and to stress that she be honest because I wasn't going to find out, even though that last part was a lie. This is for science, people. Anyway, it turns out she didn't like my sense of humor. When I heard that, my reaction was, "Oh. Well she's wrong. That's awesome." Because I'm fine with my sense of humor as is, and it's not like she thought I was ugly, so I felt like I wouldn't have done anything differently, you know.

And that got me thinking: wouldn't post-date report cards be kind of amazing?! If people weren't such hyper-sensitive pussies and could handle some criticism, they'd become so much more self-aware, and probably way less awful to be around. You know, a few standard questions like, "Did your date talk about exes too much, not at all, or just enough?", or "Did your date get too drunk or not drunk enough?", or "Did your date order dinner even though you only asked her out for fucking drinks?!" And then there'd be a comment section at the end for you to freestyle a little. Then, if you got three date report cards in a row that said, "Rambles on about her ugly cat way too much," you might say to yourself, "Gee, maybe it's weird that I'm so focused on my disgusting cat all the time. What does that say about me?" Although, most likely you'd think, "Men are such insensitive, animal-hating jerks! Everyone's wrong but me." And, of course, the ones doing the grading would probably take out their own issues on the ones being graded. Because people are retarded and self-centered and massively insecure. But if this post-date-report-card system could save even one person . . . just one person . . .


  1. I had a rep for giving "in date" report cards.... It got a wide range of reactions...sometimes got me laid and sometimes got me cursed at....with a few tears thrown in on occasion.....My honesty is what makes me who I am...some find me cool, some find me funny, many find me an asshole. I agree completly!