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Before our trip to Southeast Asia, my buddy and I were all like, "Dude, we're gonna hook up with tons of hot Asian chicks!" No we're not. They don't speak English. And the ones who don't care about verbal communication of any kind and are still willing to sleep with you, are whores. Literally. We're morons. (Re: whores, I wrote this before we left for Vietnam: http://iamthecurmudgeon.blogspot.com/2010/12/slipper-slopes.html .)
But it's okay, because once we realized this, we put our brilliant minds together and formulated an ingenious backup plan: hook up with lonely, horny travelers! Right? Am I right?! . . . Nope. Hot girls don't travel to Vietnam and Cambodia alone. They get taken to exotic beach islands where they get tanner and hotter. They don't give a shit about ancient temples and propaganda museums. Oh, you do care about temples? You're offended by this? Then you're not hot. Hot girls don't read. They don't have to.
Anyway, by, like, day three we were saying things like, "This is a mature trip; we'll learn a lot."
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