Subscribe to The Curmudgeon!

Google Groups
Subscribe to The Curmudgeon
Visit this group

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Commercial Douches

I hate commercials when I'm watching TV. Hate. LOATHE! I 've been known to rage about what I deem to be awful television advertisements to the point where people can't stand watching TV with me. DVR is one of the best inventions in the history of inventions because it allows me to skip these brain-matter-sucking devices targeted at the most mentally weak of the most retarded (i.e. - 99.7% of the population).

But some commercials manage to stand out amidst this sea of inanity due to some truly nails-on-a-chalkboard irritating personalities. Now the Verizon guy and Jared Fogle (the Subway sandwich fat fuck) were up there for a while, partially because they were played to death, and partially because they were the same person. Why marketing people thought that the average consumer was craving advice from pudgy nerds with dark-rimmed glasses, I'll never know. Anyway, my two newest champions of TV commercial douchebaggery are . . .

The Six Flags Old Man, played by some insufferable douche in makeup:
Largely because of the annoying music playing throughout the commercial, but also because of his spastic, over-the-top head gyrations when he talks, and because the people who made the commercial think that an old man dancing is funny.

And, The Progressive Auto Insurance Girl:
I don't even know where to begin with this one. She's just not funny in any way, and it's clear that she's trying so hard to be, which makes it exponentially worse. If you've ever seen her commercials, you know what I mean, and also want her to be ravaged by a pack of wild, rabid dogs. If you've seen her commercials and think she's funny, please don't ever approach me in person.

No comments:

Post a Comment