Subscribe to The Curmudgeon!

Google Groups
Subscribe to The Curmudgeon
Visit this group

Friday, July 17, 2009

Fuck Your Family

I hate those stickers on the backs of cars that have stick figures of all your family members and the names underneath. Some of the people who put these on their cars are even annoying enough to put their family pet on there too. Ugh.

Congratulations, you were able to breed. Seriously, we don't give a shit about your family, and something tells me there are even members of your own family who feel the same way. In fact, I'm willing to venture a guess that the world would be a marginally (I say "marginally," due to the sheer massive quantity of "things" that make this world so barely bearable) less annoying place without your sticker-happy kinfolk.

One time, I want to read the names under the stickers, pull up alongside one of these cars at a red light, roll down my window, and be like, "Hey, Jane! How are Timmy and Sarah? Ah, they grow up so fast, don't they?" I wonder if anyone stupid enough to adhere these stickers to her rear windshield would even be able to figure out what I'd just done. Another fantasy I had begins much the same way. I pull up alongside one of these cars, roll down my window, and commit a drive-by shooting.

This also brings me to another point about these stickers: don't you think they give a little too much information to strangers? I mean, wouldn't it make sense for a pedophile to hang out near one of these be-stickered cars, hoping the kid gets there first? He already knows the kid's name. That's totally disarming. In my previous scenario, I disarmed the kid's idiot mom by knowing her name, so I would assume the kid is at least as mentally deficient as his mother, no? Just a thought.

(Special thanks to my little cock goblin brother, whom I forgot to thank initially...)


  1. Heeeeeeeeey....Silverstein gets props for his ideas and I don' not cool...

  2. I meant to and forgot. Jeez! I've remedied the situation...

  3. Haha, this is a great one. Really, what a bad idea to ID all your kids by name. The car is in the driveway, the kid is playing in the yard, starts walking down the street, nabbed. People are so retarded.

    Then again, maybe they had their kids micro-chipped like dogs, so they're not so worried about abduction. At least they'd be able to ID their bodies and have "closure." I hate that word.