The Big Crapple - An Appendix

Having just returned from a trip to New York, I was once again reminded of what a crappy city it really is.

--To reiterate, the weather is awful. It rained nearly every single one of the 10 days I was there. It was miserable. Every day, at multiple times throughout each day, I had to check the hourly forecast in the hope of finding a window of time where I could actually walk the streets umbrella-free, and without having the bottom third of my jeans soaked with disgusting, New York puddle water. Then, whenever I complain about the weather, I inevitably hear, "Oh, it was so beautiful two weeks ago." Or, "well, it's supposed to be nice next weekend." Yes. That's my point. It sucks. There's never consistently good weather. You spend the majority of your time remembering the nice day you had a couple weeks ago or looking forward to the next sunny day, instead of enjoying yourself in the present. Fun.

--The noise! The sirens are incessant! It's out of control. You can't sleep, you can't have a conversation on your cell phone while on the street, you can't even maintain a conversation with the person you're with on the street without being interrupted by an ambulance, fire truck, or police siren. Then there's the perpetual construction, which is no picnic either. All the drilling and yelling at the ass-fuck crack of dawn. And there's also the constant beeping of delivery and garbage trucks reversing down narrow one-way streets, adding insult to injury as they further clot New York's already-too-clogged traffic arteries.

--The High Line Garden. Check it out for yourself ( http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/09/arts/design/09highline-RO.html ). Yes, this is real. There's an old railroad line in the Meatpacking District, that New York City has decided would be an ideal location for a lovely garden. And by garden, they pretty much mean, some grass and a flower here and there. People literally line up, in the rain, to then walk in the rain, along an abandoned elevated railroad line, that now has grass growing out of it. That's it. Greenery is so hard to come by in this city, that this is what people have resorted to. There's even a quote in the article I just linked to that says, "it really does live up to its highest expectations." Really? Way to go New York. Way to set the bar high. Great use of the taxpayers' money, too. "Hmmm, my husband can't find a job, and we can't feed our kids, but can you please go ahead and use the city's money to grow some grass out of concrete so that middle and upper class people can feel good about themselves? Thaaaanks." Seriously. People getting drenched so that they can walk around and look at grass. It's ridiculous. How about getting out of The City for a change? The last time I saw grass growing out of railroad tracks was when I toured Auschwitz. I'm not even joking.

Ultimately, I think what it comes down to is an issue of cognitive dissonance. New Yorkers have been raving about their city so much for so long, now, that even the slightest acknowledgement of its shortcomings, of which there are many, would make their heads explode. And accordingly, they're so scared to leave and try living somewhere new, because they won't be able to justify all those wasted years spent living in such a crap-hole. That's why whenever you travel anywhere outside of New York and meet a New Yorker, he's constantly talking about how much better everything is in New York. The sad truth is, he's not trying to convince you, but rather, trying to convince himself.