Whatever Works

If you want to know what I'll be like in about 30 years, go see Woody Allen's new movie, Whatever Works, starring Larry David. To be fair, the movie, as a movie, is actually pretty crappy, and Larry David is not a good actor. That being said, he is still hilarious, and makes the movie entertaining and funny enough to watch. Also, he is me. I am him. We are one. (I realize I said the word "movie" a lot of times in this paragraph, but I didn't want to vary my diction by substituting the word "film," because calling a movie a film makes me feel pretentious.)

While I'm at it, go see Up. It was actually hilarious, and I'm not necessarily a big animation fan. Ten times better than Wall-E.

Furthermore, while I'm on the topic of movies, I'll be extra generous and recommend five movies (no longer in theaters) that are a little more obscure, and you may not have even heard of. Obviously, there are a lot of great ones, but these are ones you may have missed that you should make the effort to see, if only to encourage some good film making amid the sea of brain-numbing, soul-sucking, unoriginal, sensibility-offending shit that somehow makes it into our crappy theaters:

1. Children of Men - Probably the least obscure of this bunch, but just incredible. Stars Clive Owen in a not-too-distant future in which all women, in the entire world, have been unable to get pregnant for 18 years, seemingly marking the imminent end of humanity: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0206634/

2. Roger Dodger - A 16-year-old kid, Nick, from Ohio visits his uncle in Manhattan in the hopes of learning some valuable life knowledge, especially with regard to women. Really good, and has some Catcher in the Rye elements as Nick meanders through New York City's endless night: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0299117/

3. Flirting with Disaster - Ben Stiller before he was Ben Stiller. Before he got his front teeth fixed, even. Hilarious movie in which an adopted Ben Stiller embarks on an epic search for his birth parents, accompanied by his wife, baby, adoption agency case worker, and eventually two gay cops. Directed by David O. Russell, who gave us the also very underrated Three Kings (I never thought it was possible for a movie co-starring Ice Cube to be underrated, but there you have it): http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116324/

4. The Baxter - Another funny one, starring Michael Showalter, former co-star of one of the best sketch comedy shows ever, The State, as the guy who always comes close, but never actually gets the girl. You know how in movies when the wedding is always broken up at the last minute in some romantic display by a guy who's seen the error of his ways and can't allow the girl he loves to marry someone else, and the girl is always relieved as she runs to him with open arms, tears streaming down her face? Well this movie's about the guy who gets left at the altar: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0401244/

5. The Last Supper - Not a religious movie. Religion's retarded. An interesting philosophical movie about a slippery slope. A group of grad students live together in a house, and every Sunday night, they invite a guest for dinner, to engage in impassioned intellectual discourse. Well, one night a local tow truck diver is the guest, and the question of, "if you had the chance, would you have killed Hitler before he had actually done anything wrong?" comes up. Things snowball from there: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113613/

Bonus section (as always). My two favorite horror movies in recent years:

The Orphanage - This is actually in Spanish, and therefore subtitled, which can sometimes be a daunting task, I know. But I assure you, this one is well worth it. My brother and I were holding each other like frightened schoolgirls when we saw this in theaters two years ago. Not a pretty sight. Possibly the best horror movie I've ever seen: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0464141/

Jesus Camp - Okay, so technically this is a documentary and not a horror movie, but I dare you to watch this thing without shitting your pants. Dare you. Kids are shipped off to be brainwashed and essentially abused at severely right-wing, evangelical Christian summer camp. Right here in America. Be very afraid: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0486358/