TSA

I'm about to travel this Thursday and it reminded me of another thing I hate: airport security. What a ridiculous sham this is. Take off your shoes. Why?! Because one asshole snuck a shoe bomb onto a plane once?! If it's small enough to fit in your shoe, couldn't you just put it in your back pocket? Or sew a secret pocket into your jeans? Or just stick it in your backpack with your cell phone and iPod and Sony PSP, and any other of a million electronic devices that could seemingly be much more easily transformed into something more explosive than a shoe! Are the morons watching that screen really trained well enough to be able to identify these tiny explosives in the tangled mass of headphone wire, toiletries, electronics, condoms, anal beads, and whatever other crap you shoved into your carry-on bag? That seems highly unlikely.

And what about this liquid rule? No more than a certain weight is allowed on? 3.5oz. containers only? Because my 4oz. toothpaste tube is just excessive, apparently. And god forbid you try to pass through security with these liquids not in a Ziploc bag. I don't understand this portion of the faux security. What exactly is the Ziploc bag protecting us from, other than possibly faulty manufacturing on the part of the companies who make the bottles that contain aforementioned liquids, in which case we'd be protected from spills that could ruin our own stuff...but shouldn't that just be up to us? Seriously. I enter security with my liquids in a Ziploc bag, I pass through security, and I take them out. I'm genuinely asking: am I missing something?

The bottom line is, these security measures that annoy and inconvenience everyone, are essentially pointless. That's not entirely true, actually. Their purpose is to lull the idiots (i.e., almost everyone) into a false sense of security so they feel safe traveling. But if you think the obese woman perched behind the carry-on conveyor belt, with her skin-tight uniform pants, two-and-a-half inch acrylic nails, and G.E.D is really going to save you from potential terror threats, then you are a mental retard and we shouldn't be catering our security measures to you. Sorry. And you know what? Fuck you TSA and whatever other office of the US Government is responsible for implementing these restrictions. They're annoying and pointless, and I don't appreciate paying my hard-earned (kind of) money to be treated like a moron.

Al-Qaeda! Taliban! Bomb! Death to America! Fuck you! Red flag me. Hopefully that means you read this...