Kids Today... I Tell Ya...

Today is my birthday. So now that I'm old, I thought it fitting that I complain about today's youth. Not the teenagers, with their flashy phones, and their Internets, and their Twitter, and their abbreviations, and their complete and utter inability to spell anything without Spell Check. I mean the young ones. Humor an old man while he waxes poetic about a Golden Age that never was...

When I was a kid, I knew to say "excuse me" if I bumped into someone. I knew to say "please," and "thank you," and "sorry." I knew to cover my fucking mouth when I sneezed.

Kids are maniacs nowadays! At least the ones I see unleashed on the general public. It's complete anarchy. People are scared to tell kids what to do, or something...because they're so fragile and delicate? If we don't tell them how things work then they don't know how things work. Novel idea, I know. We're creating future monsters who think the rules don't apply to them...because they don't even know the fucking rules in the first place! But this hearkens back to my sentiments about degenerates breeding. The parents are no better than their little shit, waste-of-space offspring, which I guess makes sense.

Anyway, I've become that old man who's decided to take it upon himself to educated your savage children. I'll totally call them out in public, now, and tell them to say "please," or "thank you," or "excuse me." Shit, I do it to adults, too. If I hold a door for someone, and he/she neglects to say "thank you," I'll say "you're welcome" way louder than necessary in the hopes of making them just a little less self-absorbed.

I was in line with a friend one time, and this ill-mannered, bastard spawn of Satan was bouncing around like a spider monkey on meth, and he fucking sneezed, full-blast, right on my leg! I stopped him and said (not all that warmly), "We cover our mouths when we sneeze." He got scared and started crying, and my friend goes, "Awww. You're so mean. You just ruined his whole day." Good! I'm glad I ruined his day! I bet you he remembers to cover his goddamn germ-infested trap next time he sneezes! I did everyone a service! I do the world small favors like this all the time, and never once a "thank you."