Make Yourself At Home

My friend, Lisa, was at Starbucks recently and needed to use the restroom (number one). So she politely knocked on the closed door, and some guy popped his head out and said, "I'm gonna be a while. You can go first." Then he exited and let her in. So, first of all, gross. "I'm gonna be a while?" Dude, just do what you gotta do and move on.

Anyway, she walks in and sees that this guy has already "prepped" for the procedure. The paper's neatly, meticulously laid upon the toilet seat, his coffee's in there, and he has a book ready to go at the base of the toilet. Seriously? At this point, as she's telling me the story, I'm surprised there aren't any aromatherapy candles flickering with the lights dimmed.

My first instinct was to ask if it was a homeless guy, because then I would say he was actually being rather considerate. But she said it was some normal business dude in a tie. What a weirdo! Who shits in public restrooms unless it's an absolute emergency?! The only thing worse than going in a public place would be actually shitting your pants, and therefore, that's the only time it's acceptable...to avoid defecating in your jeans.

I'd say, on average, I probably only shit in one public restroom per year. I've still yet to go on an airplane...ever (knock on wood!). Girls have it easy, though, because they don't poop. Thank god, too, because that would be groooosssss...