For those of you who have forgotten, or never knew, I do private tutoring on the side...and by "on the side," I mean, it's the only way I actually earn money at this juncture. Yes, miraculously, parents trust me with their children. Anyway, here's a little story one of my students regaled me with the other morning. I don't remember his exact words, but this is a pretty spot-on representation of our conversation:
STUDENT: Hey, [Curmudgeon], can I tell you a story?
CURMUDGEON: Of course.
STUDENT: It's probably not appropriate, though.
CURMUDGEON: Then you probably shouldn't.
STUDENT: So this mornin', I woke up, and I was totally blue ballin', so I--
CURMUDGEON: --Okay, so this is the part where you stop telling me the story.
STUDENT: Nah, check it out, it's really funny, though.
STUDENT: So I was totally blue ballin' this mornin', so I went to the computer to go jerk off. And I was watching a video of this hot chick in a thong, and she had a great ass, and I was gettin' all into it. And then, she takes off her thong...and she has a dick! How fucked up is that?! So I turned the computer off.
CURMUDGEON: Okay, that was actually funny... Now take out your Chemistry syllabus.