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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Can You Do Me A Favor?

Does it make me a huge asshole that I hate when people ask for favors? My stomach just turns when I hear someone say the word, "favor." I hate when they leave that message on your voicemail, "Hey, I have a favor to ask. Call me back," but they don't say what the favor is! So when you call back, you don't know if they're just going to ask you to check online for what time the movie starts, or if you're walking into an ambush, and they're going to ask you to drive them to the airport at 5:45 in the morning!

I especially hate when people spring surprise favors on you when you go to their houses! "Oh, now that I have you here, maybe you can help me hang this 150-pound painting, or move this colossal oak dresser into the basement..." What the fuck?! They totally blindside you with this shit. I only came over to pick up your daughter, or you invited me over to watch the game, or whatever. Any way you slice it, I wasn't mentally prepared for heavy lifting! I need to be in the proper mindset. I didn't stretch, I didn't wear heavy-lifting clothes . . . I wouldn't have fucking come!

The ultimate favor people ask is to help them move. And my answer to that is, NO! I specifically pay way more money than I should to hire movers when I move, because I don't want to break shit, or injure myself, or socially pressure other people to move my stuff. So if I won't do it for myself, I'm not doin' it for you. If I really really like you, I might offer to pay for the portion of the movers' fee that would cover the amount of help that I would have contributed. That's my final offer.

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