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Tuesday, May 19, 2009


I didn't have a very hateful weekend (probably because I spent most of it splayed out on the couch, removed from general population), so I'll take this moment to mention another thing I love: hand jobs. That's right. I said it. I think hand jobs are underrated.

Centuries ago, some guy, certainly a genius and pioneer in his time, was trying to convince his chaste girlfriend to give him a blow job, and introduced the line, "I can give myself a hand job." It worked, and this guy told his buddies, who told their other buddies, and so on and so forth. Over time, this notion gradually permeated the collective Jungian conscious of women to the point where I feel that after, like, high school, hand jobs are almost totally rejected as a viable step in the hook-up process. I've heard girls themselves repeat that same logic about not giving hand jobs because guys can do it to themselves.

So, in summation, the first guy to say, "I can give myself a hand job," in order to convince a girl to give him a blow j . . . bravo. But, the complete rejection of hand jobs as an acceptable form of hooking up . . . not so great. Feel free to disagree. (Curmudgeon's note: blow jobs are still amazing, I'm just sayin' . . .)

(Special thanks to EJSM and MFM, who also like handies...)

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