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Sunday, June 20, 2010

LOL! OMG, You're So Funny, Babe. What're You Doing Tonight?

How retarded is it when couples who live together in committed, long-term relationships communicate with each on their Facebook walls? We get it: you're together and you talk to each other.

Can't you guys just call, text, or email one another? Or, just roll over in bed and say what you have to say. Are there not enough private venues in which to plan your day that will, and I don't think I'm going out on a limb here, inevitably end in the same location? You had to take it into the public sphere? We're already incessantly bombarded with everyone else's inane drivel in the form of real-time status updates. (Oh, really? You're in line behind a fat person at the bank? Traffic sucks? You just ate ice cream? You can't believe [insert name of reality TV actor whose only validation comes from the knowledge that morons like you are watching] just got eliminated from [insert name of terrible reality show with self-important, overly dramatic judges]? No one fucking cares!)

Be happy you found someone who doesn't make you want to jam freshly sharpened pencils in your ears every time he/she speaks, and please spare the rest of us your uninteresting private lives.


  1. I take offense to this on behalf of mute, cell phone-less, email illiterate people everywhere. Be a little more sensitive next time.

  2. First they came for the communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a communist.

    Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.

    Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up . . . except the mute, cell-phone-less, email-illiterate people, who hated me because of my insensitive blog, but couldn't speak anyway because they're mute and illiterate. If a mute illiterate falls in a forest and no one can hear it . . . because it's mute and illiterate, does it count as a person?