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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Not Everyone Likes Your Fucking Dog!

Seriously, control your fucking pet. If I wanted a gross, wet nose pressed against my shin and little white scratch marks, I'd call your mom. It's bad enough I have to pretend you're normal while you pick up an animal's shit with your hands using only a porous plastic bag...you also have to have your maniacal, untrained rat of a dog on one of those "limitless" leashes? Those things should be outlawed, and offenders punished with . . . something hyperbolically severe.

How about this? If I have to deviate from my pedestrian path for your dog, I should be allowed to kick it. Actually, what am I saying?! It's not the poor dog's fault you're using him to plug some emotional void. I should be allowed to kick you! . . . in the face! . . . Sorry, little buddy. Good boy! You're a good boy!

6 comments:

  1. not everyone likes your stupid face, but you continue to take it out in public.

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  2. Haha. Why do you assume you're the problem? Are you an inconsiderate dog owner? Do you let Stacey attack strangers? If not, then this doesn't apply to you. Slake off.

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  3. I don't assume that at all. I just thought it was important to point out that not everyone likes your fucking face either. cuz im all about the truth.

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  4. True. Can't argue there. But the key difference between me not telling people whose faces I can't stand to stay locked up in their houses and telling people with dogs to control their animals is that people don't choose what face they're born with whereas pet owners actively choose to own their annoying, ugly pets. See the distinction, Ms. Attorney-At-Law? I rest my case.

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  5. Also -- and more to the point -- you (I hope) don't press your wet nose up against unwilling participants, nor do you scratch or drool on random strangers... So the stupidity/non-stupidity of your face is really moot in this argument.

    ReplyDelete