I Am the Opposite of Negligent

I don't think I've ever broken anything from misuse. Ever. I take such good care of everything I own, that it just works until it dies of "natural causes." Clothing: I still have stuff I wore in eighth grade. Phones: I'm still using a flip phone that's like four years old and has almost zero battery life left. I have a pair of sneakers that's 13 years old, my basketball is 12 years old, my plastic laundry hamper is well over a decade old, and I've been using the same gym bag since 1994.

I'll spare you the boredom of the rest of the laundry list of items that I've managed to keep functional, which include stereos, computers, and beard trimmers, as well. I don't really know what the point of this was. You can trust me with your stuff? I'm loyal? I'm a good Jew because I don't spend money on new things all the time? I don't know. Fuck you.