Don't Sit on My Bed

I saw a homeless guy urinating on a bus-stop bench the other day, in broad daylight, and it reaffirmed my no-outdoor-clothing-in-my-bed policy. People sit down on public benches, on street curbs, on the ground (i.e. all places that are the bathrooms of hobos, stray dogs, and feral cats the world over), and then get into their beds in these same clothes!!! (Incidentally, the no-outdoor-clothing-in-bed policy is great for getting girls to remove excess clothing before getting into my bed; but it only works because I'm sincere...or, conceivably, if you were a good liar. Just sayin'.)

The next thing I want to do is to start removing my shoes at the door, but so far laziness has won that battle. The whole process of bending over and untying my shoelaces (which I always double-knot, obviously, because if my shoelaces were to ever touch the ground outside, that would be the end of those laces) is just too much...