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Thursday, December 10, 2009

Woods You Shut the Fuck Up Already?!

Can we calm down about Tiger Woods already? Jesus Christ. Every time I turn on the TV, everyone's talking about his "incredible fall." Incredible? Fall? Really? Last I checked he's exactly the same as before except we found out he was a dick to his wife. So let me get this straight, a guy with practically limitless resources and endless power was able to resist 99.9% of the women who constantly throw themselves at him, but still caved a couple times? Oh my god! How could this have happened?!

Or, you could take a step back and look at every other superstar athlete or mega-powerful man throughout ALL OF HISTORY, and let me know what percentage of those guys was 100% faithful. And then, take the guys who passed that test, assuming there were any, and stick them in today's 24-hour-media-crazed, sycophantic-paparazzi-filled, up-every-celebrity's-ass society, and tell me if they still check out. . . . Ah, fuck it. Just poll every regular guy on the street and let me know what you come up with.

Look, I'm not saying Tiger's wife deserved this by any means. (She probably didn't, although maybe she'd recently admitted to him that she had lied, and did, in fact, lick the entire IKEA staff's Swedish meatballs during a summer internship in Stockholm. I don't know. That's my point.) She'll punish him, rest assured. But what's that cliche? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? Well, marry one of the most skilled athletes/powerful men ever at your own risk, okay? Chances are, the reason you liked him in the first place is because every other girl wanted to fuck him. Congrats. You won.


  1. Word up, that's what I say, too. Any woman who marries anyone with even remotely the same amount of fame/power/money has GOT to know that he's cheating on her.

  2. I would say it's sad, but it just is what it is. It's a pretty simple formula. Either you're okay with it, or you're not.

  3. Just give it a couple of months and no one will be talking about it anymore. The hacks who call themselves journalists will all find some other celebrity's garbage to dredge up, and the cycle will continue.

    Kobe Bryant was actually on trial for rape. It wasn't even contested that he had an affair. And who the hell talks about that anymore? He might not be quite as big as Tiger, but he's got to be close.

  4. Ha. Nice, Stoobie. I was thinking about broaching the Kobe issue, but I can't stand him and didn't want to give him the free press...not that anyone but my friends read this thing.